\",\"type\":\"unstyled\",\"depth\":0,\"inlineStyleRanges\":[],\"entityRanges\":[],\"data\":{}},{\"key\":\"opkq\",\"text\":\"\",\"type\":\"unstyled\",\"depth\":0,\"inlineStyleRanges\":[],\"entityRanges\":[],\"data\":{}},{\"key\":\"3iego\",\"text\":\"The below is an auto-generated transcription from the podcast. Please excuse typos and grammatical errors.\\n\\n\\nTranscription:\\n\\nEp-5 - Relationship regrets doubts and more QA with Bri Jaworski - LMHC\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 00:02\\nWelcome to the Mandala podcast where we help you feel your best body, mind, and soul. Well, welcome back to the show. Once again, I'm Charlie McDermott and we have Bri Jaworski here fortunately, with us, as always. Bri how're you doing?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 00:18\\nI'm awesome, Charlie. How are you?\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 00:20\\nI'm doing great and man, you know, I just keep thinking back to your previous podcast and I learned so much and I know I've said that before, I'm gonna say it again, thrilled to be a part of this number one, and I know our listeners are getting a lot from your expertise in that leads us to what we're going to get into today. I know in the last episode, you shared you know, if you have a challenge, if you're looking for some kind of general advice to email you or social media, provide the comments and the information, and then you're going to be kind enough to help. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 00:53\\nWell, I don't know about kind enough, but I'm going to try. I tend to be a little bit harsh on this subject. So, as you'll probably see, but we're gonna give it a try.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 01:02\\nI think harsh is important, but you deliver it in such a kind way. But you got some responses here. So, you know, and for our listeners who are also watching, just to give you an idea, I mean, I've got a lot to cover here. So, grab a cup of coffee or whatever, kind of just relax and listen and I'm going to start with right at the top of the page here. Bri are you ready? \\n\\nBri Jaworski 01:31\\nI am ready go ahead. \\n\\nCharlie McDermott 01:32\\nAll right. So, the question is, have you ever regretted ending a relationship? I'm not talking like the next day or week or two later. I mean, years down the line? Have you ever broken up with someone and consider it a mistake long after the fact? If so, how have you dealt with that feeling? And how does it affect your current relationship?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 01:52\\nOkay, so first of all, I think that typically people break up for a reason, right? You know, it's very few and far between where you're just like, I'm totally blindsided, I didn't see that coming. There were no like issues, you know, there are reasons why we break up. So, for example, I am in no way, you know, holier than thou, I've definitely had relationships, where in the past were, you know, we've broken up and gotten back together, and I've played that whole, like, you know, run around with, like, the back and forth and it just never works out. Like, I challenged someone to give me an example of somebody that they know, that has broken up with somebody, and then you know, they've gotten back together and then lived happily ever after. Like, it just doesn't happen that often. So, I'm not gonna say couldn't happen. But you know, like, whatever was wrong in the relationship, whatever the issue was, needs to have made a fundamental change in that particular area in order for the relationship to be successful. So, I mean, to answer the question, I personally never have regretted maybe in the shorter term, but, you know, and I'm not to say that I didn't miss the person or that kind of thing and I've definitely, in my past, broken up with people that I was still in love with and that's always really difficult. But generally speaking, like, no, I think that you break up for a reason and there are better suited people out there for you, you just have to sometimes make space for the right person to come in and so if you're constantly going back and forth, and like doing that whole yo with someone, you're not giving the universe, a space to place the right person in your path. So, I think you're doing a disservice to yourself with that back and forth.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 03:38\\nIt's a really, really good point. I also wondered as you were sharing there, you know, how much of it is, as time passes, you kind of forget, you know, some of the issues are, they aren't as raw.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 03:50\\nWe do tend to do that we kind of romanticize things. So, as time goes on, you start to, you know, when you first break up, you're very focused on the negative parts. But as time goes on, you start to kind of let those things go and you miss them and you miss the good times and we sort of put those to the forefront. The reality of is the whatever the problem was, is not gone and it's probably still there and probably even worse at this point, because now there's been a major hemorrhage in the relationship to begin with. So, I mean, the reconciliation process for that, although not impossible, I think it's difficult and it's probably best at that point to just move on.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 04:27\\nLike you said, make room for someone. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 04:29\\nYeah, because I really do feel like there is a person out there for everyone and you know, if you just feel like if you have all these problems all the time, it's just you're almost trying to fit like a square peg into a round hole, like it's just you want it to work out, but it's just not meant to be, you know.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 04:49\\nGood stuff. All right, next one, looks like an 18-year-old female says was catfished by my ex-boyfriends, who's 22 years old, girlfriend 21 and sent nudes. We broke up a few months ago after dating for a year and if I'm being honest, I text him two or three times, even though I wasn't getting any responses, and I knew he had a girlfriend. A few weeks ago, he finally responded saying he broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to get back together with me. It wasn't until after I sent him nude photos, I found it was his girlfriend texted me from his account the whole time, Holy. So, she said, if I keep texting her boyfriend, she'll post them. I don't plan on texting him anymore, but I'm still worried about what she might do with them and so she goes on to say I didn't immediately respond with nudes, we texted for a while before she asked for that.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 05:50\\nOkay people, boys, and girls, listen here, do not send nudes. I don't care who they're to, we've got to get away from doing this, once they are out of your possession, there is no telling whose possession they can end up in. Because say, even if the new girlfriend didn't steal the phone for that moment, the ex-boyfriend still could have shown her could have sent them to her could have sent them to his friend, like we don't know where these things are gonna end up like just, don't do it. It's just a bad idea all the way around and the second point that I have to that is if you broke up, like, and you knew he had a girlfriend, like don't text him, don't insert yourself like you're making yourself her enemy. You know, of course, like now she has a reason to dislike you and now she has ammunition on you as well. So, like don't give her extra reasons not to like you, you know, just stay in your lane, mind your business, wish them the best and move on to the person that you're actually supposed to be with because clearly, it's not this guy.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 06:54\\nGoes back to making room for right?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 06:57\\nRight, or it's not the right person for you. \\n\\nCharlie McDermott 06:59\\nNot wasting time on him. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 07:01\\nExactly. It's a waste of time and now you know, with possible like horrible side effects now from these nudes that you sent, so just don't send.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 07:11\\nThat's just the disruption in your life. It's probably like this dark cloud hovering over you.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 07:20\\nYeah, absolutely. Who wants that? Like we have enough stress in life. We don't need stuff like that looming over our heads.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 07:25\\nAll right, next one. My boyfriend and I had plenty of ups and downs because of his lying and eventually got to a place where he would stop lying with me specifically. However weird as that may sound, I just want to ask if this is even possible. It's been months and while he's still could very well be lying to me, I do not see the lies. I do see that he has tonnes of love for me. It didn't really try to make anything up to me after all the lying happened, but he admitted he just doesn't know how to. We also had a focus on his issues and why he lies in everything so that he's been the main focus. He also doesn't really make an effort to see me or call me or anything. He seems like he can spend a large amount of time not seeing me yet still claims he really loves me. So, I'm confused. It's different than wanting alone time because he was very into hookups and dating before works which brings me to my next issue, his hookups were not surprisingly, the biggest lies. I was wrong to expect exclusivity. However, he was telling me while we were talking that we were exclusive, and that he only wants slash talks to me, meanwhile, he was hooking up with other people. Am I wrong for being mad over this? It feels bad to think you're special and you find out that you aren't. But maybe it's my fault for so easily believing him then, or when I barely knew him. I guess my central question is how if I ever can trust him again? I know this is a case of figuring out if I can get over it. So, I don't resent him but I'm unsure of where to even start. This whole thing is super confusing, and it's hard to leave because I really do love him and I'm used to committed relationships where we work together we work things out.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 09:16\\nOkay. Let's break this down, this is a long list, okay? First of all, the only not lying to you thing. I'm not buying it. Like that's very highly doubtful on my end. You know, if somebody says like, oh, yeah, I lie to other people all the time. I don't do it with you, though. Like, I'm not buying it. Secondly, the person wrote, I can tell he has tonnes of love for me. But then she went on to say he doesn't make time for me. He didn't try to make up for his previous lies. Doesn't make an effort. He told me we were exclusive, but he cheated. I don't know, those to me are not signs of love. So, maybe there are things that she left out, you know, I'm sure that there are some things but based on what she wrote, those don't sound like signs of love to me. In fact, they're like huge red flags. If I had my red flag with me right now, I'd be waving it like crazy. You know? Is she mad to be? Is it wrong for her to be mad at him? The short answer is no, of course, like you're entitled to whatever feelings you want and can she trust him, again? I wouldn't. I mean, it doesn't sound like he has the best track record of being honest and again, like saying, Oh, I lied to all these other people, but I don't do it with you, it's typically not something that someone can just turn off. It's a habit, you know, lying becomes a habit and when you're really used to lying to people, it tends to kind of, you know, flow into every relationship that you have on a minor or major level, depending. But I think what we have to take away from this is, we show people how to treat us and basically, she has shown him that it's okay, and I'm not victim blaming her. I'm just saying like, you have to love yourself and know enough to know that this is not okay and we have to not allow people to treat us in this way. Because what she's shown him is that it's okay to not spend time with her. It's okay to lie about things. Only, if she's being truthful to her, that's fine. I think if we love ourselves, and we accept nothing less than pure love, and that's the way that we treat others and that's what we accept for ourselves. That's where people step up, and they stop treating us like garbage and so, yeah, I think that none of the things that he's doing sound okay and yeah, it sounds like she needs to move on.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 12:02\\nYeah, seems like a recurring theme.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 12:05\\nYeah. I told you, I probably wasn't gonna be that kind about this, but to be honest, I just think that we should not put up with people's crap and I don't think trauma is an excuse. You know, people say like, oh, he has a lot of traumas, childhood trauma. Okay, well, you know, that sucks and I feel bad for him for that happening. But take care of your stuff before you try to start this whole other thing with somebody else. And, you know, dump your stuff on them, you know, everybody's responsible as an adult, to take care of whatever trauma that they may have experienced as a younger person. Like, it's definitely not their fault that that happened to them, but it is their responsibility as an adult to take accountability for the things that they have power to change and to not dump them on somebody else and ruin their lives. You know, you can't be a victim and then victimize other people and under the umbrella term of I'm a victim of trauma, you know that that just doesn't work for me.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 13:09\\nYeah. All right, next one. I can't get over the detail here and you know, what has been submitted, I am impressed. So, this next one, this is coming from a 37-year-old male, who is with his girlfriend, 36 years old. They've been together since high school. After college, she broke up with him to travel to Europe for a year, followed by six months in Australia and three months in North Africa. When she got back, she told him that she had suffered from health problems and wanted to see him. One thing led to another, and he says we went steady. I learned two years into our relationship that our health problems were, infertility, PCOS. Although, I wanted children and large family. I loved her and thought this was my lot in life. We tried for many years, but she never got pregnant. I even paid for three rounds of IVF. Last summer, she met up with a friend and that friend with she had travelled, her friend wanted her to travel to Brazil. Due to COVID my finances took a hit and Sam my girlfriend never had a steady job only temporary and project-based work she saved up for a full year. In May, we found out that Sam was pregnant against all odds, considering that we struggled so hard to get pregnant, and that she had suffered a miscarriage while travelling Europe, I thought she would be elated like me for the prospects of having a child. She however, told me that she wanted an abortion, and she had her mind set up on travelling in South America, as she might not get another chance. She was packed and moved in with her mother as she felt that I tried to talk her out of it. Her friend had offered her a place in her new apartment but need to get out of her old lease in June, I learned she had gone through with the procedure. First of August, she was supposed to move in with a friend except her friend had signed a contract with her new boyfriend, instead leaving Sam without a place to live. For almost a month now she has tried to convince me that we need to get back together. I'm conflicted as to what to do. I've spent most of my life with her. I still hate her for not listening to me. But I'm also a 37-year-old and can't start over with someone new. I really want children and that is no longer a possibility with Sam, I don't know what to do. I just need someone to give me words of encouragement, one way or another.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 15:40\\nWell, my heart hurts for this person. Because I mean, just like the thought of going through three rounds of IVF and then just like, miraculously getting pregnant and then having an abortion, like, talk about an emotional roller coaster for that person. It sounds like these two people are not only on different pages, but they're on like completely different pages of different books like, and it makes me sad that he said, like, he's 37 he can't, you know, move on at this point. He can't start over like you absolutely can and you should try to start over with someone else who wants similar things and a similar path in life that you do. Like, if you really want children consider that to be kind of a nonnegotiable for dating, like not right, the second but the person needs to be open to having children like that needs. If you're dating someone, just if they already have kids, and they don't want any more kids, or they just don't want children to begin with. Like, that's perfectly fine. But then like, that's not the person for you. You know, it doesn't have to be right away or anything. But just to know that if that's something that's really important to you like not to let that go, because, you know, men don't have this biological clock that they have to adhere to, like men can and do have children later in life and you know, I don't know the in's and out's of how he feels about that. But it's definitely possible like, this is not over for him and as far as her wanting to move back in, I would say don't do it. It sounds like she's just put herself in a bad position. But she's a big girl, you know, she can find a place to live. That doesn't include getting you back on this roller coaster with her. So, that would be my advice for that.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 17:35\\nYeah. I'm with you.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 17:38\\nThat's a heavy one. That's a hard one that like hurts me to hear.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 17:43\\nYeah, all the sacrifices, all those years. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 17:46\\nThat's alot of time, energy, money. Just a lot of emotional ups and downs. Like it's kind of tragic, but your life is not over and you have plenty of opportunities left out there. As long as you move past this person, I think.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 18:04\\nAll right. Next one, my boyfriend is telling me not to tell anyone we're dating. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or not. For some context, we've been dating for about four months now and he recently decided to tell me that he doesn't want anyone to know we were dating. He also started ignoring me for days on it. He also said that I'm not allowed to tell anyone that we were dating, but he's allowed to tell people that we were dating. I don't know why he's acting like this. Should I confront him? Or just ignore it? I'm kind of lost. She goes on to say I'm trying to confront him currently, but I don't know how to approach the subject. Any tips?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 18:41\\nI'm going to try to say this as nicely as possible. If your boyfriend, holds you that he doesn't want you telling anyone that you're dating? That's not your boyfriend. I mean, that's kind of as blunt as I can be. But, you know, he should be especially for months, he should be so excited telling everybody you know, that will listen about this new relationship, this new person he met how excited he is. It's just not a good sign, you know, and again, like people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. So, by you allowing him to make that determination for you that like it's almost like your relationship is like shrouded and like shame and like, it's just not a good thing. I would say, get rid of him.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 19:41\\nRight. Here's a good one. How do I stop being a clingy girlfriend?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 19:49\\nOkay. So, I think being clingy is part of feeling insecure. So, I think, to stop being clingy, you need to fall in love with yourself with your own life. Like, you need to put so much love and energy and intention into yourself that you're no longer looking for anyone to fill that void for you and confidence in and of itself is really sexy and being confident in who you are and what you bring to the table is vital. So, I feel like that's part of it and also, another thing that people tend to do a lot in new relationship is they kind of like, cling on to this person, and they forget everything else in their life. So, they ditch their friends, they don't have hobbies of their own anymore and so don't do that, you know, it's good to have a balance of things, you know, you don't want to put all of your energy and effort into this person and then yes, you will come off as very clingy and needy and whereas if you are fulfilled in yourself, and you have friends and you have hobbies, and you have things that light you up and you're passionate about, you'll have your own stuff to do like. The thing about being clingy is it's almost like you're looking for that person to like fill a void. So, if you fill the void yourself, you won't have any reason to need someone else to do that for you. So, that's my advice for that.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 21:20\\nAll right, and I would think that applies to clingy boyfriend. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 21:26\\nYeah, absolutely. Anyone can fall into that trap. But, you know, if you're worried about that, then do some work on yourself and just love yourself, put some of that energy and effort that you're putting into that other person back into yourself and you'll be a lot less clingy.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 21:43\\nAlright, next one. What does it mean when your boyfriend knows you're locked out but doesn't let you in? We had an argument, and I said I needed to step out for a minute or I went to smoke a cigarette, then accidentally locked myself out and asked him to open the door and he hasn't responded in hours. How should I handle this? When and if he eventually answers realizes, I'm not there? We live together and I just moved in with him, or does he realize it and just doesn't want me in there? \\n\\nBri Jaworski 22:15\\nOkay, so first off, he realizes. Like, I know, it's easier and like easier to digest and like, except.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 22:24\\nYeah, it's like, we always want to give him the benefit of the doubt, right? \\n\\nBri Jaworski 22:27\\nWe want to but, like, he realized 100%, he knows you're out there. What makes me nervous about this one is, there are some like, very covert, sneaky, abusive things that can happen and I would categorize this as one a possibility for one because he's exerting power and control over her by allowing her to sit outside, knowing that she's out there that she's locked out. Abuse is all about power and control. So, this is a small thing that's not like life shattering. But it's a small thing that I guarantee will lead to other things. So, it's like, if she allows this to happen, then next time, he'll be like, okay, well, she let that happen. So, I'm gonna push it a little bit further, so and that's why in like physically abusive cases that I've worked with, they don't start off as physically abusive, they start off with stuff like this and then it gradually gets a little bit worse if they start, you know, throwing things or they start knocking things off the wall or punching holes and doors, you know, in the physical abuse gets, you know, gradually worse and worse until it's directed at you. So, this is a huge red flag to me. It might not sound that bad on the outside, like, oh, being locked outside, but it's the power and control issue that he's exerting. That worries me and he realizes that.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 23:53\\nThe beginning of worse, encounters. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 23:55\\nWell, my guess is, this is just the tip of the iceberg for this relationship.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 24:04\\nAll right. Speaking of red flags, the question is, is this a red flag, I had the best date with a former co worker last night. After our date, we ended up coming to my place. We were watching a movie, cuddling and he was like, I just want to let you know that when I like someone, I stop entertaining other women and I'm like, yeah, I agree. I think it's nice to focus on one person and not to be talking to a bunch of others and he's like, if you go on a date, it's hard for me to talk and [Inaudible 24:38], If you go on a date with someone else, like next weekend, and that would be it for me and I'm like, well, I think it's the first date or I think the first date is too soon to be like okay, don't talk it to anyone else and he sat up and distanced himself from me. He looked bothered and visibly upset. He's like, I'm just saying, I put a lot of effort into one person and if we can agree on that, then I don't know and I stayed quiet and was kind of scared and to be honest, so he started kind of backpedaling and he was like, but maybe you're right, the first date is too soon, but maybe the second day, we can agree. So, is this weird?\\n\\nBri Jaworski 25:28\\nLike this is really weird. First of all, like, no, I just said, like, what have we started here Charlie? Okay. For him to say, on a first date, that he doesn't want to date anyone else, he's going to do it. I hear this sometimes from my clients, oh, he told me he's going to delete his dating apps, and that's fine, do whatever you want. You're an adult. However, where it gets sketchy for me, is him basically telling her like giving her an ultimatum on the first date of like, what to do? Why that worries me is because, like, if he'll say that on day one, what is he gonna say, way later down the road? You know, like, again, it's very reminiscent of that power and control struggle that I was talking about just before. Yeah, the other part that gets me about this one is, she used the word scared and I just feel like we need to listen to our intuition. You know, like, we have the feeling of being scared for a reason. It's a built in safety mechanism and we, it's our job to listen to it. So, if you feel scared on a date, you need to listen to that built in alarm and get out of there. Because there should be no point at in any relationship where that particular bell should be going off where you feel scared of your partner. That is just a huge red flag to me. So, that's a no go. All of these are no goes for me.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 27:08\\nThat's good. Well, believe it or not, we got through them all, there's something but, again, I learned and I know, this is very helpful for your listeners. So, I guess my question for you is for those who are listening, well, you know, I love to get brief thoughts on my scenario, what's the best way for them to, you know, send it to you.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 27:33\\nThe best way is to email it. So, it's the mandala podcast@gmail.com. So, you can submit your questions, I would love to read them, answer them on the podcast. You know, I am kind of harsh, but I feel like sometimes people need someone who is a third party not related to the person or the incident to give them a little bit of dose of reality, and I can't unknow what I know, I can't unsee what I've seen, you know, I've worked with domestic violence. I've worked with couples, and I still do you know, I have to be real and I have to be honest. So, today, none of these relationships are unhealthy to me. I wish somebody would write in and let us know something positive, but so far, not so good.\\n\\nCharlie McDermott 28:20\\nWell, it's just the beginning. So, I still have hope. You know, the even better part about all this is whether it's one of these individuals or others listening that are in a similar situation, they can learn and make decisions going forward that put them in a better position. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 28:38\\nThanks for sharing Bri, thanks for your help and we'll get back together real soon in the next episode. \\n\\nBri Jaworski 28:38\\nI hope so. It's hard. And, again, I don't want anyone to think that I, you know, just popped out the womb knowing everything about relationships. Like that's not true. I've had a lot of trial and error myself. I've had a lot of failed relationships. You know, I'm in a really fantastic, healthy, wonderful marriage now. But trust me, that was not always the case. So, if anything learned from my mistakes if nothing else, so.\\n\\nBri Jaworski 29:07\\nAll right, awesome. \\n\\nCharlie McDermott 29:08\\nThanks for listening to the Mandala podcast. To learn more about Mandala counselling and health coaching, go to www.mandala-counseling.com or call 239-360-1983 or visit us on Facebook or Instagram.\\n- 1 -\\n- 1 -\",\"type\":\"unstyled\",\"depth\":0,\"inlineStyleRanges\":[],\"entityRanges\":[],\"data\":{}}],\"entityMap\":{\"0\":{\"type\":\"IMAGE\",\"mutability\":\"IMMUTABLE\",\"data\":{\"src\":\"//img1.wsimg.com/isteam/ip/284efb9d-9c26-4553-9515-3d0fe08e3a17/290EDDEC-BA5E-45BA-A651-DE4D0148BD90.png\",\"alt\":\"Fort Myers counseling, Lee county counseling, fort Myers therapists \",\"loading\":false,\"left\":\"0%\",\"top\":\"0%\",\"width\":\"100%\",\"height\":\"100%\",\"rotation\":\"0\",\"editedAspectRatio\":\"1.7777777777777777\",\"filter\":\"NONE\",\"href\":\"https://\"}}}}","socialSharing":{"twitter":{"enabled":false,"profile":"@ServicesMandala"},"facebook":{"enabled":true}}}};
